My friends, a chance reader, the Tumblr community, and mostly, to myself,
My life is changing. It is changing such an insane amount and so rapidly that I can’t control it anymore. I’m scared and unsure and I have no plans and for the first time in my life not only is that okay, but it’s exactly what I want, and exactly what I need. With all that has been changing both in and outside of myself that I can’t control, there are some changes I need to make willfully. That said, it’s time to leave this behind.
It is not that the Tumblr community is anything less than incredible. I’m just finding I rely too much on photos and text, videos and the intangible to complete my world. It is time to experience the world first hand. I want to see the cities and mountains and oceans and people that I awe at in pictures. I do not just want to be aware, I want to be there. When I want to say something, I want to say it, out loud to human ears. Not write it down and call it good.
I’ve said a lot here. It’s become somewhat of a journal of my brain activity. I talk about my day, I talk about my thoughts, I talk about my dreams, I talk about the way I feel and the way I understand things and the way things ought to be. I tell everyone, because I have no one else to tell. I use it as a crutch, as an outlet, as a catchall for my ideas and emotions that I don’t know how to deal with. I know the purpose of this community is not to allow a young girl to let loose with what is in her head, but for me, two years ago, it was exactly what I needed. I’m so grateful to each and every member of this community for what you have all built and allowing me to contribute in my own little way. Since my first post in January of 2009 I’ve learned more about the world and myself than I had in all of the years prior. The things that are said and seen here are beautiful, thoughtful, powerful, funny, and brilliant.
I’m moving on to who I’m going to be for the rest of my life. I’m no longer a confused adolescent searching for who I am, and what I want. I have no idea where I am going or how I will get there but I know who I am and I know it is time to get started.
Again talking to no one and everyone at once, and somewhat to myself, thank you for everything. It’s been a journey getting to where I am, and I feel that in some way I’ve shared it with you, whoever you are reading this.
It’s been beautiful,
AmandaCan
p.s. YouCan too. You brave, beautiful, intelligent person can do anything you set your mind to. I don’t just believe in you, I’m counting on you.
